Anschlitz

Bud Anschlitz
CEO of Anschlitz Industries
Founder of LesserMores, The Foundation For A Shallow Life
(aka, your boss)

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2 months ago

I’m really glad I never got a calf tattoo, because I would hate to have to wear shorts all the time.

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2 months ago

Youth has no age.”
— Pablo Picasso, sometime before he got old and died.

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2 months ago

Hearing my nav system say “turn left at Booger Hollow Road” almost made this trip to see my wife’s cousins worth it.

It also explains it.

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2 months ago

Is it ok for a man my age to tell a young lady her eyebrow game is strong?

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3 months ago

A lot going on in my HR dept these days.

This week my HR manager asked a new intern to let him know as soon as her mom gets divorced, so her can be her daddy.

That guy is so smooth, I’ve started calling him the “freshmaker.”

On another note, we got some complaints from new hires about some HR questions. I just need to say that it’s important for us to understand our employees. Asking how they stand taking public transportation with so many of “those people” is part of that process.

And besides, if you’re uncomfortable on the bus, Freshmaker always has room in his van.

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3 months ago with 1 note

Via anschlitz

anschlitz:

My cousin just named her daughter Lexi. After her cars I guess I don’t know.

That’s not right actually. The plural of Lexus is Toyotas.

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3 months ago with 1 note

My cousin just named her daughter Lexi. After her cars I guess I don’t know.

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4 months ago with 2 notes

Tagged: Parenting

On Raising Kids

Occasionally I see parents with nice, thoughtful children. They’re proud of them and that’s great.

But they should know that their kids aren’t going anywhere in life. You see, those kids will probably grow into nice, thoughtful adults. They might empathize with others who are different. They may not cheat in school or at work.

In other words, they’ll never have the self-entitlement they need to ruthlessly take whatever they want.

My first wife made that mistake on my oldest. (I can’t be blamed for how he turned out. After all, I was never around.) An A-student, respectful to women, he remembers birthdays and pays his taxes. It’s embarrassing.

I wanted him to be like me, you know, an asshole. That’s how you get ahead in life, by not caring about anyone else. As it stands, he’ll probably never even be able to drive a new Benz off the lot.

So I’m raising my younger kids right. You might have even seen us in public:

Want to watch Star Wars on a crowded airplane with sound all the way up? You go right ahead. Did you slap the waitress on the ass for bringing water when you ordered Sprite? That’s my boy! Running and shouting like crazy around other diners? Whatever! I’ll chew them out if they complain.

There are some perils to this strategy. In fact there is, as with most things, a fine line between success and failure.

An old college buddy of mine tried this approach with his son and it didn’t work out as well as it will for us. My friend is a fairly wealthy executive and selfish enough to get ahead; his wife only cares about her cars and tennis. In many ways they’re the perfect parents.

"Johnny," as we’ll call him, was mean, which is a good start. You want some meanness in them. He was also a little thief, which meant he had the requisite sense of entitlement. He was a manipulator, setting himself up well for the future. But he never learned how to control himself, and became violent and self-destructive.

Now violence is not always a warning sign, it can just mean a kid is extra aggressive. But in Johnny’s case, it was a sign that he didn’t care enough about himself to relentlessly pursue money. He was using the drugs he bought in junior high school, when he should have been making a profit on them.

He couldn’t see the world outside their little 12,000 square foot house, and didn’t understand that it was ripe for his taking. And so all his demands went to his parents.

I tried to help out some, and bought him a copy of Atlas Shrugged. But I don’t know if he read it or not. I assume not, since it apparently didn’t change his life.

Sadly, his parents gave up on him and shipped him off to a strict military academy when he turned violent toward them. I think he’s out of prison now. Last I heard he had a job at a car wash and they were very proud of that.

Their biggest mistake was that they never properly taught him that they shared his disdain for the rest of the world. Although it’s possible that they didn’t and I misjudged them from the start; perhaps they weren’t ruthless parents, just selfish ones.

Don’t make that mistake. Be selfish AND ruthless. Let your kids know that their manipulative behavior is shared by you, not something you can’t handle.

Dive into parenting and always show that you can be the bigger asshole. Kids need role models, and they need to learn to take what they want, just not from you.

Picasso once said that we spend our adulthoods trying to think like children again. In that spirit, don’t let those whiny blackmailing little snots ever forget that they are the center of the universe, and that they deserve everything the world can offer.

Teach them to take it by any method they can, because being rich is much better than being good.

Or don’t. Takes all kinds.

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4 months ago

Just saw an ad for Quest Means Business, or something like that on CNN.

I didn’t know Max Headroom was even still alive.

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4 months ago

Lady next to me just said she’s had the same AOL password since forever.

…is it me or is it getting a little hot in here?

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4 months ago with 291,420 notes

Via palegem

palegem:

Men want us to kiss them with beards, suck their dicks and kiss their balls with pubes, hug them with hairy arm pits, intwine our legs with hairy thighs, but if women have one hair on our body that isn’t on our head it’s disgusting

Women with natural hair are the sexiest thing in the world. Partly because they’re young enough to still have it, admittedly, and that’s a big deal for guys like me.

Armpit hair is so incredibly sexy, and reminds us all so much of pubic hair, that people are terrified of seeing it. Leg hair and all the rest is as luxurious and elegant as diving into a fur coat, if you should ever be so lucky.

I can’t respect anyone who wants women to look like prepubescent porn stars. Join the real world, it’s a beautiful place.

(via tightvaginas)

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4 months ago

I can’t find the link to Dubya’s Etsy store.

Where’s a tech-savvy intern when I need one.